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First Ladies keep standing by their man

Oh, to be able to read the mind of disgraced New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer's wife as she stood next to him during two humiliating press conferences this week. Thursday Silda Wall Spitzer stood, jaw clenched, focusing on her husband as he resigned his office amid America's latest political sex scandal. It's hard not to feel sympathy, empathy, grief, sorrow and so many other emotions for a woman dealing with that.

Few people can truly fathom what Silda has gone through this week. Dina McGreevy surely has an idea. She stood next to her husband Jim in August 2004 when he not only resigned as Governor of New Jersey as a former aide prepared a sexual harassment suit against him following an adulterous affair, but also as revealed he was gay. And of course, Hillary Clinton knows a little bit about this. There's no more public stage than the White House to have to deal with a philandering spouse.

This latest act of politicus interruptus has many people asking how these wives can stand by their husbands. I saw an interview with Hillary Clinton recently where she was asked about dealing with the Monica Lewinsky affair. She said something about husbands and wives being obligated to at least try and work through issues like these that come up in their marriage. Her answer was somewhat refreshing.

It's easy to stand and watch women like these ladies literally stand by their man in what must be the most humiliating moment in all of their lives and question how they can do it. But as Clinton pointed out, isn't that what they signed on for when they stood next to each other at the altar? Remember that part about for better or for worse? Yes, their husbands failed big time on those nuptial promises, and Dina McGreevy obviously knew her marriage was over when her Mr. Right said he'd been looking for a Mr. Right all these years, too. But there she stood: The devoted, supportive wife. Why? Because someone needs to take the high road sometimes.

We think we know everything that happens with public people. But while we certainly know too much about their private lives, we don't know as much as we think. No jury should judge without all the facts, even in the court of public opinion. The Spitzers obviously have some stuff to deal with. It's hard enough to deal with a cheating spouse, let alone when it becomes public on this scale. But when you find out he supposedly spent $80,000 over several years doing it? Yikes! But according to those wedding vows, they owe it to each other to at least try to right the ship, don't they? That's not to say it will all work out, but you have to think Dina McGreevy at least said something along the lines of, "No. This can't be. You're wrong. Let's talk about it."

So before you lose the sympathy you may feel for these women doing their best Tammy Wynette impression, put it through a personal filter. Would you really just walk out? Would you really put your kids through even more upheaval and embarrassment? Or would you stand strong for the kids, for yourself or even for your spouse? Would you try to focus on the good times and try to figure out what problems exist in your marriage on all sides and see if there's any glimmer of hope? It's easy to judge in the third person; not so easy in the first person.

By: Kevin Wuzzardo

Kevin - been there and got the T-shirt

I have been both the offended and the offender. Dina McGreevy (now in the midst of a divorce) and I can assure you of one fact: Once the trust is gone, it's gone. You can never get it back. Thirty years from now, when he or she is late coming home for the second time this month, or has another unplanned business trip, your mind starts wondering.... My advice? Be as wild as you want to or need to be before marriage. Don't marry too young. But after you marry, learn to say "no thanks" if for no other purpose than to avoid the heacaches and heartaches...it's just not worth it...and if your spouse can't say no, walk away on the very first incident. Don't even hesitate or look back.