Why do the marines have to come down here anyway? We should keep them out of Wilmington. All they do is beat us senseless when we bad-mouth them and then lure our women away. Let's face it - I may have a 3.8 GPA, hair just like Bob Marley, and a great MP3 collection, but I can't compete with some tan, tall, clean-cut guy with sixteen inch biceps and three tours in Iraq under his belt. Plus, they all have full-time jobs that pay fairly well, so a lot of the girls notice that they don't have to buy the marines drinks, like they do for me and my buddies. (Thank George Bush for destroying the economy.) When my girlfriend Heather dumped me in June she said it just wasn't working for us but sure enough the next thing I know she's dating some sargent that looks like Dermot Mulroney but more muscular. Her friend Lacey said that he's getting ready to reup and go to Afghanistan, and that he already took Heather all sorts of places like New York and Las Vegas. I called Heather and said that I'd still take her back if he goes back to the war, but she told me no thanks and good luck in life as a boring dweeb. I hate marines.