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Sorry this took so long

I only now saw your Why in the world would you think that your child might be in an abusive situation one day? If he is being raised in an environment where he developes in accordance with the basic underlying sociological framework that has served us so well for so many years, you're worrying for no reason. Try these approaches - they worked for me. * Never hit anyone. If someone hits you, clean their clock. * Never bully anyone. If someone bullies you, stand up to them and if necessary clean their clock. * If you think you're in love but find that the object of your desire doesn't feel the same way about you, leave. Turn around, walk away, don't look back. Women (or men) are like buses - there's another one coming along in fifteen minutes. Here's the most importantant one! * If your life stinks, only you can improve it. So let me state this once again and for the last time Andrew - if a man is so emotionally screwed up that he can't walk away from an abusive woman, then I'm not the best person to come to for advice. I'm not a coddler. I'm not a gentle, kind soul who has a dry shoulder for him to cry on. I would most likely grab him, shake him by the shoulders and scream at him to "be a man," a la Don Corleone. You think that I'm a bigot toward "sensitive guys," I think you fail to balance the practical with the intellectual. There are a lot of problems in life that don't lend themselves to the politically correct, school-book solution. Many require us to call upon our gut instinct and inherent nature. Men are simply not supposed to be weak, blubbering jellyfish. We live in two different worlds, Andrew. You live in some sterile version of a life that you want to see come to fruition, I accept life for the unscripted, random sequence of events that it is. My entire life has been a balance of intellectual and physical. For example, less than a month after I received my master's degree I was assigned to an anti-terrorist unit where an ability to lead men in difficult situations and shoot straight counted far more than any advanced degree. A good education is important...but so is the ability to control every aspect of your life, and be prepared for anything that comes along. Whether a male or female, there is NEVER an occasion when it's okay to check your backbone at the door. And when your spouse starts thumping on you, or stepping out on you, you aren't going to find a good course of action by trying to take "the intellectual approach.". Intellect has nothing to do with it. The instinct for survival does. You do what you can to get out of the situation and come out unscathed. If I have an acquaintance who can't get out of an abusive relationship because of the financial situation, I'm more than willing to help out financially. If however, that person can't get out because of "emotions," I have a size ten to apply to his or her butt. I sincerely hope your son enjoys a wonderful life free of any abuse. Only you can make sure that happens, and frankly I'm not sure that all your gender-neutral mumbo-jumbo is going to aid him in reaching that end. If you tell a boy that it's "okay to cry," he'll be crying for the rest of his life.


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