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false allegations destroy child's ability to love

Telling lies about another parent in order to create a favorable outcome for ones self and distributing these false allegations creates far worse consequences for every member of a family. Not only does telling lies about the other parent create devastating effects for the person being lied about, but most importantly it greatly harms the children who then become victims to the narcissistic behavior of the lying parent. If the fabrications created by the lying parent continue, the victimized children are torn apart and separated from his or her right to love both parents freely. Long term affects such as mistrust in relationships and learned narcissistic behavior may then follow these children into their adult lives. As a step-mother who raised three stepchildren from their early childhood, I have been a targeted parent of vicious lies and constant scrutiny by the children’s birthmother. Because my husband had physical custody of his three children, when I married him, I took on the responsibilities of raising the children. During the early years of our lives together, my three stepchildren and I had a wonderful relationship filled with love and laughter. A couple of years into my marriage when the children’s mother decided she wanted to home-school the children against our judgment, lies, deception, and false allegations against my husband and I ensued. Almost overnight, our household went from a close family of togetherness to a complete separation with the children avoiding my husband and I at all times while treating us extremely poorly when engaged. Not only did we catch the children’s birthmother in the act of belittling us behind our backs, we also had an uninitiated admittance from the youngest as to what types of lies their mother was telling them about us, which obviously hurt the youngest deeply. Good parenting consists of the ability to put the children’s comfort and psychological needs first—not putting ones own needs and desires before the children. Good parenting incorporates the ability to not tell lies and not create fabrications about the other parent. It doesn’t matter how much hatred one has for an ex-spouse, it is not ok to denigrate the other parent in the presence of the children. In doing so, it simply destroys the child’s right to love the other parent freely.

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