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Too Painless

How about letting them tend the Big Cats out at Tregembo's on Carolina Beach Road. They could camp out in the cages with the Lion and Tigers.

Or, wrap them in wet animal skins and leave them in the heat of the day sun while the skins dry and shrink.

Or, use the 18th Century Chinese Pirate approach. Hack off a limb every week; apply hot tar or a hot iron to cauterize the wound. After a few weeks they're a limbless stump and give new meaning to Talking Heads.

A bullet or lethal injection are too quick and too painless.

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