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...and that's exactly what he is! "Turtle Bob" is his handle. He's a 5 ft tall by 4 1/2 feet wide New Englander transplant with nothing better to do than make little kids cry. He's a "volunteer fire something er anuther" too. Goes around yelling at tourists and making their little kids cry for lighting the benign "NC fireworks".

He's a nice guy if you happen to like short, round, fat, big-mouthed buffoons that for some odd reason, happen to think they're important.

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