Ladies and Gentlemen:

I stand before you to be sitting behind you
to tell you something of which I know nothing.

Monday, which will be designated Citizen’s Tuesday Night,
will be a special celebration all day until evening.

Tickets are free
so pay at the door.

There’s plenty of seats
so sit on the floor.

Thank you for your continued imaginary support
during my continuing insanity.

(“Yo, Kevin! Warm up the armored car and let’s make a run for it!”)