I'd like to thank the fine folks at the Transportation Security Administration for bringing to my attention that the shoes I was wearing Sunday may need some Odor Eaters. After all, where else but the airport security line do you get the chance to bend over and pick your shoes up toward your face and on a table so you get a whiff? Personally, that seems to be the most useful part of the current security regulations in place at American airports. I certainly understand the need for security screening at airports. And had some screeners done their job a little better on September 11, 2001, an international tragedy may have been averted. But sometimes the process just doesn't seem to make much sense.
The requirement to take your shoes off and send them through the X-ray machine stems from the arrest of alleged attempted shoe bomber Richard Reid. But there has to be a better way to do this than forcing people to hop on one foot as they try to take off a shoe and then walk in their socks or barefooted (or in surgical booties, as I saw one woman cover her bare feet this weekend) through the metal detector.
Even more annoying is this restriction on liquids and gels after a plot over the summer to blow up US-bound planes from England. TSA has since eased its complete ban on those items. But I learned the hard way Friday morning that there are still restrictions. My trip from Wilmington to Kentucky was the first time I've traveled since the terror plot was foiled in August. As I waited in the security line at ILM, a member of the security staff handed out clear plastic bags for questionable items, like toiletries. When I reached the check-in, I was told my nearly full tube of toothpaste and container of gel deodorant could not travel to the Bluegrass with me. The TSA screener threw them away because they were larger than 3 oz. I'm now declining the use of any and personal hygiene products as a form of protest. OK. That's not true. But I thought about it.
What really bothered me is that I'll bet anything if I had not volunteered to put those items in the clear plastic bag, the screener never would have known about them, and I would've traveled on as planned. What also bothers me is the size limitation. It turns out, I also had a small travel-sized tube of toothpaste in my bag. I think it is maybe an ounce or two, as compared to the six-ounce full-sized tube. So are you telling me that I can't take the six-ouncer, but I could probably take three (or more) two-ounce tubes? Where's the sense in that?
As I waited at security at Louisville International Airport Sunday, I noticed a table covered in bottles of half-consumed beverages, contact lense solutions, lotions and other liquids that passengers had been forced to leave behind. There were also boxes on the tables overflowing with these bottles. The boxes were labeled, "Donations to Local Charities Welcome." Do you really expect me to believe some charity is gonna use that half-drunk bottle of orange juice I saw sticking out of one box? Many experts said this summer that it would be hard to carry enough explosive liquids or gels to cause enough damage in something like a water bottle or toothpaste tube. Yet we still can't take them beyond the checkpoint.
Of course, there are also some security standards that are somewhat humorous, even if they are necessary. The next time you're stuck in an airport security line, look around to see if they have the big list of all the stuff you can't take onboard. The descriptions for some of the items are really funny. For instance, I've seen in several airports a sign that included a prohibition on toy robots that change shape to look like a gun. In other words, don't bring your Transformers or Gobots with you when you fly. Oh, and if you like to be gellin' like Magellan, sorry, Dr. Scholls, but those gel shoe inserts are also a no go. And then there are localized security needs. For instance, in Louisville, there was a display filled with confiscated miniature baseball bats travelers had bought at the nearby Louisville Slugger factory. Better put that in your checked luggaged, where you can also pack throwing stars, nunchakus and cattle prods. No seriously.
Obviously the airport security standards must be working. After all, we haven't had a terrorist attack on a plane in more than five years. But it doesn't mean those standards make sense. And it certainly doesn't mean they're not incredibly annoying.
