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Parent files criminal charges against bullying kids

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The parent of a Cumberland County 7th grader said her daughter is getting bullied by classmates. She also claims the principal will not stop it. Twelve-year-old Allyson Inman claims several classmates make rude remarks to her daily, and one even touched her inappropriately. Now her mother is filing criminal charges against the kids she said are bullying her daughter. The Southview Middle School principal said the school conducted an investigation about Inman's complaints. Cumberland County sheriff's detectives said it will take about a week to investigate her complaint and file charges.

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From my response...

...it was intuitively obvious to the most casual observer that I was not advocating your driving him to the bully's neighborhood. We can go on about this forever, so I'll let this be my last post by falling back on something you stated earlier, and something I mentioned earlier. You told your son to handle the situation at school if needed, and that you'd back him up. He chose not to do that. When my daughter was being bullied, she too didn't want to get into trouble at school. She didn't go after the bully immediately. What it finally took to get some action out of her was me saying something to the effect of, "Look, I'm sick of hearing about this kid. If he is that mean and consistently picks on you, I've already told you what to do. If you won't do that, then he's simply going to keep bullying you and you're accepting your fate. Stand up for yourself or quit whining. You have to fight your own battles." She did stand up for herself, quite effectively. The kid never bothered her again. (A GIRL had beaten him up!) Her mother and I had to go meet with the teacher and principal, and that was it - it was over. Of course that was a long time ago, before the forces of total "pansification" started winning. But the point I'm trying to make is that sometimes our kids need a little tough love to guide them. Sometimes they can overuse the shoulder to cry on, and we have to yank it out from under them. There is no reason why your son has to put up with bullying, but he may need a figurative size ten to get him into gear. Tell him to stand up for what's right. ALWAYS stand up for what is right, and if he gets in trouble for it, well....the toughest steels come out of the hottest fires. He'll survive a little adversity. Of course, you risk creating a monster...my shy little angel now stands 5' 11" and won't leave patrol division because she enjoys the street too much.

So Right

The very few times someone picked on any of my children I was right in the middle of it, because if you wait for the school system to take action your kids are going to get hurt. They want to take it to a counselor and talk about everyones feelings. They also say no matter if your child is getting beaten with a fist or a weapon or what ever they have no right to defend themselves. State and federal law says a person can use reasonable force to defend against an attack I have never seen an age limit on that. I always taught my children to never use their fists or a weapon to solve a problem. I also told them they didn't have to take a beating from someone because the other person was to stupid and had to result to violents to get their point across. I have given at least 2 school children juvinile records for assaulting my children and their parents were investigated by DSS also. Yes my children could have taken anyone of them apart but they used restraint and came to me with the problems and I as an adult can do more and worse things than they can and it's all legal. There are times when you are backed into a corner and it's either fight to get out or get hurt and beaten and no one has to take that from anyone

assult in school being ignored, need help

My daughter was assaulted in school. The school states that there were no witnesses to the fact. The student who assaulted my child had called us and admitted to the truth of the incident, but gave a different story to the school. I filed a complaint with the police in charge of the schools, the state school board, and the superintendent of school. You said that you had given at least 2 school children juvenile records for assaulting your children and their parents were investigated by DSS also. First I would like to know how to press assault charges so that the child who assaulted my child will have a record and the second thing I would like to know is what is DSS?

Juvenile Petition

You can go to the magistrates office downtown with the information on the child including the parents name address and phone number and take out a Juvenile Petition which is like taking out a warrant on an adult. If the magistrate doesn't do this they can direct you to the department that does. It will be served by law enforcement and a court date will be scheduled providing the DA in Juvenile court proceeds with it. As for DSS I called them because of the childs assult on my child. That kind of behavior had to be learned some where and the home is most likely where it was learned. DSS is the Department of Social Services they have a child protective division that looks into abuse and neglect and teaching a child to be violent is the worse kind of abuse or neglect.

No elementary counselors? I

No elementary counselors? I am from Pennsylvania, where many elementary schools have school counselors. I have sole responsibility for 4K (four year old KG) through second grade, and share duties with another counselor for third through sixth grades. Most of our duties are reactive, dealing with divorce and custody issues, abusive parents, incarcerated parents, drug addicted parents, kids being raised by grandparents, latchkey kids, and kids diagnosed with any number of psychological problems. My training is as a school psychologist. I also do a lot of pro-active work, teaching social skills lessons in all classrooms - honesty, respect, citizenship, good learning skills, responsibility, work ethic, bully-proofing etc. I came across this link through an anti-bullying newsletter I receive weekly.

Just think...

Had you gotten a degree in engineering, science, economics or business, you could have made an ever better living in a REAL job, and we wouldn't have had to stick the taxpayers with some phony-baloney make-believe job. How did we raise a dozen generations of successful people without psychology majors yakking to them in first grade? (Do you have a little tiny couch in your office?) How did America become the superpower that she WAS without five year-olds being psychoanalyzed? Indeed, it seems that we were a LOT better off when people simply dealt with what life gave them, and had to stand on their own two feet. All this coddling seems to be doing nothing but producing millions of people who can't manage even the simplest tasks in life. Ah well, I guess we have to do something with the bazillion psych and soc majors that our universities produce ever semester. They have to get some return on four years of styudying the blatantly obvious. Why produce anything when you can get paid to sit around and talk? Meanwhile, American companies are importing engineers and scientists on H-1B visas because we can't find enough to hire here in the United States. Be glad that Shakespeare didn't know about "grief counselors" and "elementary school guidance counselors" when he was penning Henry VI, or he might have totally skipped mentioning lawyers....

Common

they just don't get it. We're of a generation where we achieved or failed on our merits and backbone. We had no need for counselors; we were counseled at home; and had the ability and wisdom to accept our parents' guidance even when we disagreed. Now, these counselors so ingrain the child's mind through rose colored glasses that Parents fear being Parents as Social Services will show up at the door. We all know parents who faced undeserved pressure because Junior or Sally Mae knew just the right story to tell in front of the counselor or knew how to make marks on their arms to create an impression of child abuse at home. That is sure a Counselor's delight. And clearly, they can not see that when one generation can go forth in the world and achieve sucess both in business and society, that generation must be doing something right. How can they challenge that success especially when it is followed by another generation of succesful people? I suppose they have to justify their existence and the salaries they draw somehow.

They never will get it, Tom

You and I are dinosaurs, and the America we knew is rapidly fading into a memory. Every one of these boards has one compelling theme: "Don't tell me what I don't want to hear." "Don't tell me that he's not a good boy, just because he has a long record of criminal convictions." "Don't tell me that it's my fault that I'm on welfare, just because I had a kid but no job or no husband." "Don't tell me that I should cut back on my cell phone, buy a used car, or get a roommate to allow me to pay for my own health insurance." "Don't tell me that it's normal for my beautiful boy to come home with skinned knuckles or a black eye. He could die!" It's like I said earlier - we are a nation of scared sheep. People are scared of life's realities, and the hard work and hardships that must be endured to succeed. We no longer do the RIGHT thing, we do the most expedient and politically correct thing. For my entire life I lived with one underlying guiding light - "It's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees." Unfortunately, that idea isn't too popular these days. God help this country....but I truly think he's lost interest in us.

Don't give up

yet. As long as folks like us can pass along a spirit of independance and achievement based success, there may be hope. As long as the generation following you and I understands hard work and determination rather than a willingness to sit on one's behind and accept a life based on handouts, there's hope. As long as the Green Machine is out there willing to take a few good men and women and teach them to focus on success, there is hope. Perhaps somewhere, there's another Ronald Reagan who will ride to our rescue. Oh well, we can always put border gaurds at the swing bridge and keep the miscreants and illegal immigrants off the island. And if push comes to shove, we can always move back to the farm and become survivalists. Well, I've just used a few words not often seen. I wonder of any of these witty social scientists will take the time to look them up?

Good Post Guys

I share your thoughts and concerns.

Why Don't...

Why don't you two just get a room...

Why?

And your point?

Good for your husband! I

Good for your husband! I think this is GREAT!!!! To tell you the truth-your husband did this kid a big favor-maybe this will keep him out of jail someday!!!

Bullying

I disagree with the guest who said that bullying is a part of the "pecking" order. I don't know how old that guest is, and yes way back when, bullying might have been part of childhood, but the rules have changed. Bullying has become more violent and more common. There is a big difference between teasing someone and making their life so miserable that they don't want to go to school or may be scared. You will find that in most cases, the bully is facing issues at home his or her self. Any parent who would defend bullying at any level needs to take a good look at themselves. I just wonder how that parent would feel if his/her child bullied someone and that someone took a gun or weapon to the bully. The story would change. Society is breeding alot of violence now that didn't exist years ago. But what can we expect when our society has turned their back on God and has let Satan taken over.

You are absolutely correct,

You are absolutely correct, to Commonsence, you missed the ball on this one. Back in the day, it was much different than it is today. Having worked in a school as a volunteer for many years (recently), I have seen way too much. The teachers and principals don't do anything most of the time for fear of being sued - we have alot of people right here in our community who sue for a living. The bullies know that they can't be touched so they just keep on, some have even driven their victims to suicide. These bullies need to be reported, arrested by juvenile services for harrasement, and dragged throught the courts with their parents so that they know we mean business. ZERO tolorance for bullying!!

Is it that the world has changed?

Or is it that WE have totally screwed up their world? I thank God every day that my kids are in their thirties, in well established careers, and finished their educations before the "pansification and political correction" of America. As far as teachers and principals who "don't do anything most of the time for fear of being sued," what does that say about THEIR backbone? Who fails to do the job he or she is getting paid for out of FEAR? That may be the most telling commentary I've heard in years. We have become a nation of scared little weenies. We're scared of EVERYTHING. What a sad commentary on our society you provide....

GOOD FOR YOU MOM!

IT'S ABOUT TIME! I HAVE SEEN THIS A LONG TIME AND IT SEEMS LIKE THIS MIGHT BE THE ONLY WAY TO STOP THESE INSECURE KIDS. ALOT OF TIMES THE PARENTS JUST DON'T CARE AND KIDS CARRY IT AROUND WITH THEM FOREVER! GOOD LUCK MOM!

Good for this mom! My son is

Good for this mom! My son is being bullied by a kid half his size-but it happens almost daily. They are on the same basketball team, they are 5th graders. My son asked this kid why he bothered him. He said, "Because I can, and my parents let me." Doesn't that say it all? These parents of the bullies need to know that we are serious and are not going to allow that crap to continue. My son has our permission to fight back, no matter what the school says. Sometimes parents have to intervene-this mom rocks!

Bullying

My son is being bullied/teased by a kid half his size as well. My son has Asperger's and has just turned the other cheek. This other kid is new to the school and I told my son, he makes fun of people so kids will think he is funny, where my son is genuinely funny and well liked. Last Thursday, he had had enough and punched the kid in class and broke his nose. Now the parents have filed a police report and are threatening to sue. We have been at this school for 7 years and I am the PTO president. We own our home and are well established in the community. This family just moved here from out of state, rent and I think are just looking for money. Despite statements from 2 teachers and the entire class, the principal cannot do anything about the bullying without "proof" meanwhile my son is suspedned for 4 days, we have a lawsuite looming and we may face criminal charges? Now What?

Notify

the insurance company which insures your home. That policy should include "Section II" Liability coverage which should help. It will in part, depend on your son's age and whether there will be corroborating witnesses as to the incidents to which your son was subjected. You do not comment on what the teacher was doing at the time of the incident. Nor do you comment on whether the bullying took place immediately prior to your son throwing a punch. You may want to talk to an attorney or ask your insurance carrier if they will cover litigation expenses.

Now what? You fight the lawsuit

Offer to pay the medical expenses, but beyond that, fight. The witnesses are all on your side. We have turned into a nation of pansies, but there are still judges and juries that understand that young boys will fight, especially when provoked. Your son did exactly what he should have. Be thankful and proud that you have been blessed with a little John Wayne, rather than an Alan Alda, Junior. We have enough pansies.

the real world

YOu are right on post about your mom can't always be there and you need to stand up for yourself. and that there are bullies everywhere. but when you are a child things look different and we need to guide them. No it isn't just the school that needs to handle this it is everybody job. Kids now adays have no self asteam it is so easy to push them aside give them money and send them to the mall. My son came home yesterday and told me about a story that a sherriff had came to their school and talk about gang awareness. and told a true story about a kid that was pick on and he couldn't take it and didn't tell anyone about it and he killed his self and before he left he wrote a letter to his mom about it all. and the principal of this school yesterday read the letter out loud to the school. That has a great message for people of all walks of life to tell some one what is going on. So you can get some help and not face this alone. don't tell them in a letter after you are dead. I would wether have my kid tell me and me HELP him/her to fight their battles with them. than stand over a grave.

You will encounter bullying throughout life

Bullying is a natural part of establishing the pecking order in any social organization. We seem to only call it bullying when it involves kids, but you will encounter it anywhere you interface with people, from the line at the supermarket to the overly agressive co-worker. The simple fact is that every one of us, at one time or another, has been bullied or been guilty of bullying. We all learn to deal with it in our own way, and I think that any parent should think twice before wading into the issue. In twenty years, how is the victim going to deal with it when mommy's not there to fight her battles for her?

More than common sense

In reference to 'Commonsensenotcommontoday' 'You will encounter bullying throughout life' This person has given up and wants others to give up to a dysfunctional society and most likely will deny ever bullying and has been a part of the 'pecking order'. A 'pecking order' is for animals not humans. We should defend ourselves from bullies and people who think it is 'natural'. It is not natural and should never ever be tolerated in a civil society. Allowing this kind of activity anywhere will destroy society and lead to and has been linked to many destructive activities such as Discrimination, Rape, Murder, Suicide, Ethnic Cleansing, Gangs, Drugs, Abusiveness, Molestation, Kidnapping, Sexual Crimes and Disorders, Social Disorders of All Kinds and Crimes of all kinds. This mother should be applauded and should receive the full support of her family, friends, neighbors and Law Enforcement and the School. And Thanks to people like 'commonsensenotcommontoday' and ABC News we see the truth of those who have given way to cannibalistic\animalistic behavior and Good Reporting of the same. I hope this lady and her daughter prevail and the bully and the bully's parents are convicted to the fullest degree of the law and what is right for their responsibility to relearn how to be productive members of Human Society. Even most animals have better behavior than this. When Good People do nothing like 'commonsensenotcommontoday' then our society continues down the road to destruction along with our way of life and eventually our country. STOP THE BULLY and you will stop a lot of wrong and crimes in the future. Use 'commonsensenotcommontoday' and those like them as a perfect example of what you Do Not want in our society. We need more than common sense, we need people who stand up for what is right and good and not shirk away and excuse crime as a way of life like 'commonsensenotcommontoday' and those who think like this. Ladies and Fathers, stand up for your kids now and forever. Good people stand up for what is right in every part of life Now and all the days of your life, while it is life. Kidzfamilyman.

Where did I say to tolerate it? Even once?

I think you must be hallucinating. Bullying should not be tolerated for one moment. But JUNIOR has to stop it - not mommy, not daddy. The way you stop it is by standing up for yourself, physically if necessary. You may get knocked down, but you get up and stand up for yourself again...and again...and again. About thirty years ago my daughter was being bullied in junior high to the point that she was starting to hate school. As she explained it, one class clown was using her as the brunt of her jokes because she was heavy. We had a nice heart-to-heart and the following week, Mister Ha-ha had to see the school nurse after my daughter cleaned his clock. Odd...he never had a thing to say about her after that... You can deny the pecking order all you want to, but it exists in every aspect of life and trust me, the meek DON'T inherit the Earth. There was a time when kids coming home with black eyes and skinned knuckles was perfectly normal. Now? We're a nation of pansies and mommy has to end the bullying.

So . . does mommy step in when . . .

I totally agree with you in most situations. However, when my 11 year old son went after a bully that smacked him in the face with a ball on the playground, he discovered that the bully was trained to fight and knew dangerous wrestling moves. The bully flipped my son to the ground and wrapped his legs around my sons neck in a choke triangle while my sons face was buried into the dirt. He wouldn't let go until three teachers pulled him off. My son couldn't breath and nearly became unconcious. The 12 year old bully lives in our neighbor hood. At 9:30pm the same day, the bully showed up in front of our home with 2 very large high school kids yelling obsentities at our home and how he was going to do it again. NOW, DO YOU THINK MOMMY SHOULD GET INVOLVED IN THIS ONE? It's not like it used to be. Some kids these days are taking fighting and wresting classes so they can become a better bully. His mother told the principal "Well, my son knows self defence." My son never hit him. He only pushed him. I hardly call choking self defence against a push.

Duh!

So, we want kids to beat bullying (literally)? By demonstrating to our kids that violence is okay, then they grow up to be abusers or seek abusive relations! Your userid certainly reflects your suggestions!

Violence is a part of life

You had better be teaching your children that violence is a necessity in some situations, or they are going to have an awful life...possibly a very short one. You know that daughter I mentioned? She's a deputy sheriff in Florida. Her sister is a career Army officer. I'm sure that when circumstances require it, they can be unbelievably "abusive," but not in the "I saw it on Oprah" way that you imagine. They're very grateful that mommy and daddy were old fashioned enough to believe that good guys have to be violent every now and then, too... ...and I'm very grateful to the Marine Corps, who physically and mentally conditioned me not only to survive in combat, but to raise children the RIGHT way. That's the nice thing about this country - you're free to raise ballet dancers, and I was free to raise warrior....uh....-ettes. But remember...the meek DON'T inherit anything but grief.

Your user ID

certainly says something too. When one does not stand up for oneself, one is then subject to being taken over. World War II would have been decidely different had some nations chosen to stand up to Adolf rather than appease him. Might Cold War have been avoided had Patten been allowed to continue his eastward march rather than halt at the river to allow the Russians to grab territory? Korea might have been markedly different, and who knows perhaps Cold War might have been avoided, had McArthur been allowed to cross the Yalu River. History repeats itself. Unfortunately, there are agressors. One can either stand up to that challenge; or roll over and assume a fetal position. Or have your Mommy step in; but one day Mommy might not be there. And how will Junior compete in the business world, or the world at large, if Mommy fights his battles and he fails to learn to respond to challenges?

Quite True

those who can stand and deliver. Those who can not run to Mommy crying and she gets the counselor in an uproar. Twenty years later, Junior still needs a counselor to make the most basic decisions he might face.